Coming Home as a Family

The three of us have grown a lot this past week. We just returned from a week-long vacation to the mountains in western North Carolina—our first vacation as a family of three. Jeff and I grew as a couple (and as parents) and Graham seemed to do a whole lot of growing up in just one week. He is 11 weeks old now and his sweet, fun personality has certainly emerged!

Whenever I've moved somewhere new, it has never truly felt like home until returning from a trip. When I walk in the door and unpack my bags, there is a newly realized sense of comfort at returning to a familiar, cozy place. Somehow leaving and then returning brings the meaning of "home" into focus. I had a similar feeling tonight when we returned home as a family of three. It is no longer just J and me. No longer J, me, and a new baby.

It is us: a threesome. A family.

It might have been the first time this all felt exactly right. Until now, I've floated in and out of various states of bliss, fear, discovery and of feeling utterly overwhelmed. As I think any new parent can attest to, there is no way not to be ignorant about the range of emotions that accompany the transformation from couple, to parents, to family.

Anyway, when we walked in the front door tonight, I saw some of G's play things in our family room: a book or two, a colorful floor mat with toys hanging above, a swing. I saw these things and instead of looking at them and feeling like such a newbie to this parenting thing, I looked at them and felt how much they belonged there. Everything was exactly where it was supposed to be.

Somehow, our trip to NC brought the three of us closer together. The trip itself was perfect timing. J and I were both exhausted and needed to spend some real time together as a couple. (Thanks to Robert and Carol, we had some time alone.) We set two goals for the trip— #1: sleep and #2: be in nature. We stuck to them pretty well, though we could still use more of both.

We also grew as parents. We were anxious about how G would respond to travel—especially the flying. He was a dream. We played and laughed on the flight, and of course, he slept, too. Other passengers were smitten with him. Most of the time spent in the car, however, was exhausting. G would cry, wail, sob. With a minimum three-hour drive from the Atlanta airport to our condo in NC, and then lots of twisty mountain roads every time we wanted to do any exploring during the week, we had to find ways to maintain our sanity through G's cries. We tried everything to soothe him, but still, he would wail. It was heartbreaking. But we also learned that this kiddo is resilient. Within seconds of taking him out of his car seat, he would beam and giggle at us again. He didn't hate us after all for putting him in that darned seat. And yes, we could survive his stretches of crying—though sometimes barely.

Perhaps we got a bit of the new parent bewilderedness knocked out of us. With each passing day we became more confident at our ability to parent well together. I know that the feeling of bewilderment is likely to return throughout G's childhood as he passes in and out of various stages, but I hope we always retain the constant feeling that we are capable of parenting to the best of our abilities.

We learned from our mistakes, too... vacation isn't what it used to be for us. No more staying out all day (or all night) as we might have wanted to. A little baby has limits, gets overstimulated, gets oh-so-tired. And that can't be ignored. Yes, a couple of times we pushed G beyond his limits—not realizing that we were doing so—and then felt like terrible parents afterward. So we learned to slow down and we admitted that we just can't pack in all the same adventures like we used to. We learned to be OK with that, too, though somehow it came naturally. That meant foregoing some adventures we would liked to have had (whitewater rafting, river canoeing, horseback riding — we'll do those things when he's older!). Those things were replaced with simple pleasures like laying G on a blanket while making silly faces at him, giggling endlessly together, and taking shorter nature walks rather than hours-long day hikes. I think J and I fell more in love with each other watching the other one parent, too.

With that, I'll end this rambling. In the next entry, more about the trip itself, and fun photos! -A